Wednesday, 28 December 2011

Been tweaking old poems

I did an edit of "Fear", but still wasn't happy with it.  I had put the new version on to my poetry blog, but took it down again.  I altered it yet again and that version is now on my Tripod poetry site.  It is a villanelle, and was one of the very first poems I ever wrote using this form.  Sonnets are easy, comparatively...

Coffee is kind of cold now...

Tuesday, 27 December 2011

Sometimes I wonder...

I am not completely paranoid, and sometimes people really are being deliberately hurtful.  I just can't work out why.

I just deleted the rest of this post.  I'm going to shut up now.

Silence for a while...

because I've tried to communicate so many times, and been either ignored or misunderstood. 

Anyway, I played around with the format of my Tripod site:  Something to do in the "small hours".

I feel sensitive right now - so please think before you speak, and be kind.  Kindness costs nothing and is good to opt for as a general policy.  And never assume that you know what another person is or isn't going through, because sometimes you don't, and words can hurt.  Silences and being ignored can also hurt.  Sometimes the hurt is too much to take.  Sometimes one more thing really will be the straw that breaks the camel's back - or mind.  However, a kind word or two, a sensitive approach, a moment's thought, could save someone's life - literally.

Peace.  xxx

Scream! SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am so depressed.

Just saying, okay???

Monday, 26 December 2011

Further to my last post...

I have had such a dodgy tummy today, as well as being depressed.  I went to bed in the end, and slept it off to some extent, but now I'm restless, when I really should be going to bed.

I can't be the only person in this Universe who doesn't look forward to Christmas...can I???

Made it through...

25 December is one of the hardest days of the year for me.  I took the focus off it being "Christmas Day" as much as I possibly could.  I was due a Facebook-free day, anyway.

I think that it is widely known that Christmas is a difficult time of year for those with mental health issues, but funnily enough, it feels as if everyone else was looking forward to Christmas, which is interesting, as so many of our friends also suffer from depression, anxiety, etc.  Does everyone else just pretend to love Christmas, but secretly dread it? 

I can't help feeling that it is worse for childless people (once at the age when having children is the norm, I mean).  I am quite sure that positive thinkers will find a million ways around this, but the reality remains that Christmas is a time for families, and if you are thirty-eight (or fifty - Colin's age), this would normally include children - even grandchildren, which, incidentally, would not make me feel "old", but normal, balanced and happy.  I know that I should have a daughter, early twenties, who could potentially have her own children now.  Most people don't view Jessica as real, but I feel her with me every day, and that connection is real.  She is my spirit daughter, the child I would have had if I hadn't been bullied by my parents and the doctor into taking the "morning after pill", after I lost my virginity through rape (stranger  rape) when I was seventeen years old.  I get so depressed, because I always felt, in my heart, that that could well be my only chance of ever conceiving a child, and so it is turning out...:-(

Saturday, 24 December 2011


I'm going to be quieter than usual online over Christmas.  It's a difficult time of year for me, especially at the moment, with so many health and personal problems.  I need to look forward to the Spring!

Sparkey budgie is back with his cockatiel and budgie friends.  His foot/leg healed well, and he seems happy and healthy again - yay!  Thanks to Mr. Chitty, the vet we now use.  (The Pets at Home ones were useless when it came to birds.)

Season's greetings, and peaceful blessings, to all who read this.  xxx

Sunday, 18 December 2011

Spent most of the day in bed...

I felt depressed, and my tummy was bad.  So that's that.  But never mind.  It's happened before and will again.

I wanted to put my poems in a different order again on my Tripod site.  It tends, otherwise, to end up in reverse chronological order, but that doesn't necessarily work for me, or the readers.  (Don't say, "What readers?"  I do get some!)  I also wanted to try to change the font on each poem within the software, to make them all look the same - could be something of a challenge, as well as time-consuming, and mind-numbingly boring.  Oh, well...Anyway, I can't log on at present.  I must admit that I suspect that this might happen.  The Tripod page on Facebook mentioned something about people having problems logging in.  I might as well "plug" the site while I'm here, I guess:

I think that's all for now.  I don't know whether to update my "Quagan Poet" site.  I am so mixed-up about my spiritual beliefs right now.  So nothing new there, right???  But not sure if I feel like "talking" about it - which, in my lingo, means blogging about it...

Love to you all!  Yeah, because I just know that so many people actually read my blogs!!! xxx

Friday, 9 December 2011

I've got such a dodgy tummy...:-(

Just saying.  Saves me moaning about it on Facebook.

Anyway, haven't done much with this new blog so far, have I?  Just after setting up this, my latest Blogger/Blogspot site, I discovered  What a totally cool site for sharing poetry!!!  Well, apart from the fact that I get the same technical layout (stanza break phobic software) issues as with other sites, including this one, but nothing in life is perfect, right???  But I really like :-)

I must try not to neglect my Blogger sites, though.  Good to keep up with as many online projects as I can, especially whilst I'm flat-bound.  (It's been a while - Colin estimated six weeks or so...)